Be Merry

A snowflake in the middle of your palm.

Snowy Feathers

Yesterday morning, I went bird watching in the lovely snowy woods with K. As she pointed out, in doing so we joined the Audubon Scoiety's international Christmas Bird Count. For most of the part we bushwhacked, me in snoe shoes and K on X-country skiis. The time was indeed very well spent. The woods were beautiful and quiet. The snow formations on the bare branches reminded us of all sorts of things - ranging from candy and marsh mellows to shaving cream :)

But really the most gorgeous part of it all was the pervasive softness ... I do not want to refer to it as silence, because there was the hush of the falling snow, the shush of a gentle breeze making the trees shower us with snow, the muffle of the water in the stream, the shuffle of life amidst a scene that loves to hide it behind its thick white silky drapes ... all of those silent sounds and visions cummulatively forming a soft and deep wonder. The evidence of life when it peeped out of the drapes was music to the ears, the chick-a-dee-dee of the chickadees and the chuk-chuk of the woodpeckers, not to mention the regular grid patterns on the tree trunks giving away the art work of so many woodpeckers that inhabit the wintry woods.

Of course winter in all her beauty is pregnant (only slightly so right now, but growing...) with certain negativities that result in my shoveling woes (or should I say scooping woes... the scoop is post-shovel) ... but hey, this might eventually give me those 6-packs I hear so much about!

Seeking freedom... again!

I had gone to bed and not being able to sleep... started listeing to my thoughts. Couldn't not note some of them.

I saw the trailer of 'Brokeback Mountain' online today. Very touching. I am scared of watching the movie. Maybe I won't. That scene in the trailer where he holds the shirt and jacket ... memories flood back, hits too close to home ... enough said, the movie has made its mark on me already.

I was thinking to myself, there can be two kinds of situations (states) related to 'relationships' (the 'R-word' as one of my friends used to say) one is when you are in a fulfiling one, we shall call it the Value state and the other is when you are in a situation of unreciprocated love, a state we shall refer to as the Pain state. Typically people vascillate between these two states, often within the same relationship, sometimes across different relationships.

What happens when you are in neither of those states? Its a strange feeling. Like an untethered boat drifting down the river, at the mercy of the tides ... sometimes gently floating downstream, sometimes being dashed agianst rocks in the rapids. Often such a state is referred to as 'being free.' But in reality, there is no freedom when the boat really is at the mercy of the tides. Just momentary starts and rushes ... wasted energy with no necessary direction. Freedom lies, indeed, in the vascilation between the Value and the Pain. It is the freedom to feel... to feel human, instead of retiring all your faculties that deal with feeling.

While I complain not about my life, I do sometimes long for the pain that once made me wander on grey rainy afternoons aimlessly down wooded trails, uncertain if it was the rain that moistened my cheeks, or if it was the unknown grip wrenching my heart. I dare not seek Value, but yes, I do long for the Pain... it once set me free.

Happy days!

Lots of good friends, fun and food. Thats the 3F rule :)

4 years and counting . . .

Lighten up!

The Christmas tree in the town square, outside my apartment has lit up like ... you guessed it, a Christmas tree. The holidays are here. Drop by your address and I'll send you a New Years card. Meanwhile, enjoy that pie and turkey and drink an extra peg of rum for your health and mine.

The snowflake!

i sit in one corner of my living room
dimly lit by a lamp in the opposite corner
a string of colored lights line my picture window
casting a warm glow round the room

the window frames a fairy foreland
pristine white all around
the hills in the distance - white!
the wind - howling as it races down the streets
whistling as it explores new alleys, corners and niches

i sit and watch the snowflakes prance
now heading east - motivated, in a hurry
like an army storming a fort
only to stop abruptly in a swirling eddy
suddenly lost - confused
only to find direction again.

but hark! it is not confusion
it is but a dance that the snowflakes dance
i see the rhythm - i listen to the music
the stopping and starting
the jaunting and jiving

i turn on a waltz and as i look out
I see - the rise and fall
now the man crisply driving,
now the woman carelessly drifting
now they both swirl into each other's arms

i wish i were a snowflake
free to flow,
free to follow the wind,
free to dance,
free to defy gravity...

even if only to eventually fall
to softly and genlty settle
to return once again to the volume
from where it all begins

i sit in one corner of my living room
dimly lit by a lamp in the opposite corner
a snowflake enjoying the dance
swaying to many tunes -
now a nocturne, now a waltz

where shall i fall?
when shall i fall?

Dogosophy

Its been a while since I last posted. Just caught up in the humdrum of life. Work, family, friends, (have got myself a bunch) chores at home, dealing with my uncle . . . all at the speed of life.

This morning a friend asked me an interesting question while we were walking. She has known me for a short while and I feel very comfortable with her, almost like I've known her for a long time. Going back to the question she asked: "Are you a recluse? You had indicated that you were. Explain why you said so." Clearly all my recent social acrobats and the number of people I tend to be friends with made her wonder why I had in the first place claimed to be a recluse.

I thought over it and realized that though I tend to think more and more of myself as a recluse, I tend to be rather extroverted and am more often prone to putting my foot in my mouth and stuffing it down my throat rather than hiding it safely in my apartment. But I think that as I have grown older, even though I continue to be a very extroverted person, I have become more and more detached from life and the people I am with. I love people and meeting them and knowing them, but never find myself bonding with them. Add to that I have no hassles spending time by myself and very often have no problems cuddling up with a book and a glass of wine (I've been doing that every evening almost) or watching a movie by myself (tons) without feeling depressed about it. So I guess I am an extrovert recluse. My friend bought my answer. :)

Among other things. I walked a basset hound this evening at the Humane Society. His name was: Sam, a complete philosopher. He lead me down a trail (very politely letting me know which direction it preferred by timely tugs) that lead to a spot on a ridge that looked down to a valley and you could see the sun setting on the opposite hills. I loved the view. Once we reached there, he sat down with his face to the sun and gave me a "and-won't-you-join-me" look. It was very very peaceful. We sat there for a little while watching the sun dip. Man and dog and nature . . . all bowing in silence to the setting sun. I hope Sam enjoyed the walk in the woods, 'cause he sure did make my day.

GDP!

I have always considered the GDP to be a very limited measure of growth and the economist's world view as one based on easy assumptions that, while not completely flawed definitely need to be revisited. Have never had the time or patience to dwell on it in this space. So if you are interested let me point you to a discussion on the topic that Dilip D. is intiating. There!

In between laundry and the bills

... is 'updating my blog' on my list of Sunday chores!!! Sad but true. I've been so busy lately haven't had time to breathe. Business related travel, buying a car, getting more involved with my church and of course work, work and work and ... oh yes, work!

Anyway, managed to catch up with an old friend who happened to be in the same area as my last trip. It was great... I love meeting up with old friends, especially after long gaps, because its an occasion that reflects change, in the time that has passed in between. Its often difficult in the mad rush of the mundane to notice how we are all changing, which of course we are all the time, slowly but surely. I was glad to find thinning hair the only thing on the list of "changes" that I disagreed with my friend on. All other changes seemed fun and it was great synching up again.

Meanwhile, winter seems to be settling in. The fall colors are fading and the forests are looking more and more like broom-sticks up for sale. And the wind like a true salesman in howling for customers, as it slickly pries its way into every nook and corner leaving behind a chill and no leaf unturned. Which, of course makes sense, given that Haloween is round the corner and I am sure the neighbor-hood witch and wizard are looking for a new wand and a tough fuel-efficient broom stick.

Well Diwali is round the corner too. So we light our candles side by side with our carved pumkins and invite the weird, the strange, the preposterous, the outrageous and the good ol' normal to sit down to a sumptuous dinner of tandoori chicken and saag paneer. There's going to be enough space to park your cars and brooms and stack up your hats and hoods and a stand for your sticks, umbrellas and wands.

Anyway, now I need to move on to the bills.

Festive season

This is the festive season in Bengal. The season which makes us all feel joyous and good. Unfortunately all is not well for our brothers and sisters. South Bengal is still flooding and rivers are breaking levees and leaving the poorest of the poor homeless and stranded in water. While Calcutta prepares to celebrate with the usual glamour and fanfare, the voices of the flooded usually get wiped off the mainstream. My prayers for them. (Thats about all we can do... )

But in the middle of it all here is a beautiful story. It moved me.

A prayer for all human beings to find their humanity, this Pujo.

Wet

Exactly reflects my pov on coming out... especially at the work place. Of course, its one of those slightly self defeating arguments. The premise is: My job should have nothing to do with my personal life, so why bother to come out. Well if truely work has nothing to do with our personal lives then why not come out!!! Of course the issue is, that most of the time we don't come out at work is to avoid discrimination (least resistance). Which of course means that our personal lives do influence our work place performance. Like a cat running after its own tail.

Lately the weather has been wet and cold. The rain droplets on my window pane are making it look like a shimmering curtain of glass beads. Light from the street lamp is being bent by the water to the remotest corners of my living room. The reflections are scaring my poor pumpkin, and the twinkle of the holiday lights seem to mingle with the shimmer of the raindrops.

The clouds keep coming in from the lake, spilling over the hills through the colored forests into the valleys where we live. Invading our hearts and minds with a touch of damp melancholy.

Gandhi and Apple Pie!

Today is Gandhi's birthday and a good time to re-examine and understand his values of non-violence in a world torn by strife. Thats exactly what the church service this morning dealt with; the all importance of dialogue without the easy recourse to violence and war. My reflection for the day is: Gandhi after his relentless efforts at bringing freedom to the sub-continent abstained from the Indian Independence Day celebrations as they were marred by the riots and violence that followed the partition. Ironic.

My grandmother (who is a terribly smart woman!) was a little girl during partition and to this day she has vivid, horrid memories of how they had to leave "in whatever they were wearing." It is indeed interesting that years hence, while she was in Cleveland, OH (my uncle was there in the 80s) she adopted a Bangladeshi Muslim woman. I find great solace in this story and have learnt that sometimes the best way to heal wounds is not by taking revenge but by compassionately giving of oneself.

On a slightly different note, its been a beautiful weekend so far. The trees are a riot of colors and there is the smell of harvest in the air. I went to the farmer's market yesterday and got a dozen apples. Organically grown, some of them even had worms in them... delightful! Then I spent all afternoon baking an apple pie. It turned out pretty well. The crust was a trifle too crunchy, but if you don't mind a crumbling crust, its delicious. Now the house is smelling of apples and cinamon.

Drop by if you want a slice of the pie. Its sitting on my kitchen table :)

The Cinema!

To start with lets get this clear once and for all, there is no space for censorship of artistic expression in a free society. And I will not entertain any stupid arguments like, 'oh! but what if art incites crime.' Thats like saying we need to ban religion because religion does in fact incite crime (in case you didn't notice, the worst genocides in human history have had religious motivations! Art has had a far better track record.)

Uber Homme in his most recent blog raises an interesting question that I have on many occasions discussed in various friend circles. What is the role of cinema in society? I will take the liberty of adressing the question in the context of cinema as a medium of artistic expression.

Professionally I am an engineer... and at the risk of making a sweeping generalization, it is fair to say that engineers usually tend to be very conservative. So most people I have/continue to work with, often don't see the distinction between art and entertainment and the typical response from such quarters is: Well, cinema and the performing arts, is part of the entertainment industry. This attitude is, strangely, quite prevalent in the "main stream" and big "industries" like Bollywood and Hollywood, which more often than not dish out productions that are mostly lame narratives with no vision, aimed at pandering to the conservative mainstream (CM). Thus "sex and violence" in a movie is treated as a selling point. The CM love it and don't complain about it as long as the movies are philosophically vacuous (plain fun!!) and they can walk away "feeling good"!! That is a major chunk of the market and it mostly drives commercial and mainstream (uggh! how i hate that word) cinema.

Now of course there is the parallel stream of avant garde cinema that is often referred to as "art films" or "art house cinema"... just to remind you that they make an attempt at art and you may not walk away "feeling good". So while the plastic Aishwarya Rais and the lips-pressed-agianst-a-glass-pane Angelina Jolies make glamorous guest appearances in every other staright man's fantasy, the Shabana Azmies of the world need to go and shave their heads to attract attention to burning social issues... most of the time only being successful in attracting ridicule and insult. Such movies are rarely viewed by the CM, partly also because they are rarely marketed to them. However, on the rare occasion that they do get attention it is usually because someone's sensibilities have been offended and politicians (especially in the sub-continent) ride high on such situations in proving their high moral fiber and their ability to protect the people from such corruption. Usually it brings about censorship, or in America (where thankfully censorship is absent) new labels like "family friendly" or simple social censorship (Sponge Bob square pants is gay and a no-no from the the Family some-council or the other!). While I make no claims about the quality of all such productions, I underscore that this is the cinema space that we need to look at to understand the role of cinema in society.

Today cinema is the most commonly consumed artistic medium. Everybody watches movies, though everybody may or may not go to the opera, theater or art exhibitions. Therefore the purpose of art in society is best fulfilled through the medium of cinema. And that brings us to the purpose of cinema in society: Cinema like any other art needs to provoke. It needs to challenge the individual to examine their lives and be an agent of change. Why? because otherwise we tend to too often fall into comfort zones and not only resist change but also breed intolerance to new ideas and methods.

This is not new. For centuries artists all over the world have served this purpose. To creatively think beyond the boundaries of the norm and to redefine it. Clearly all their ideas are not practical or feasible, but then how can we know if they aren't allowed to express. Besides, if I may point out, most revolutionary ideas that have indeed changed the world, have often started off by not being well received and in fact being very unpopular.

The fool in the King's court, immortalized in so many of Shakespeare's plays, has in his folly spoken wisely and dared to point out that which no other could... all behind the mask of theater, of playful banter. They have simulated 'what-if' scenarios in the King's court and provoked thought... using their liscence for folly to explore realms that any other courtier would not dare suggest. Fools were able to envision and express freely with scant regard to existing hierarchies. Hence, the artistic liscence, the need for art to go beyond the established, not reinforce it. Hence, the open-minded, liberal and often nebulous thinking patterns among artists.

In today's world where the predominant culture is extremely anti-intellectual and the emphasis is consistently more on form than function, its critical that cinema, be allowed to freely capture nuanced views of life today, nuanced representations and interpretations of history (note, not revise history or assult its factual integrity) and freely explore "what-if" scenarios, however unpopular. There in lies the promise of change.

ps: while I foul mouth both Bollywood and Hollywood all the time, its important to point out that all the movies about inter-caste/inter-community/inter-race romance in the 60s and 70s went a long way to liberalize the way people think. Any form of censorship, no matter how trivial, can only do harm. I hope that even as I speak, there is change afoot, the results of which we will see many years hence.

Brooks and the Bank

Tom DeLay is hopefuly going to be in prison! Good! The Times editorial today featured David Brooks kind of justifying Tom DeLay... nay glorifying him for having made mistakes for the sake of the party! He talks about politics being a team game and everything TD did was for the team!!! Typical David Brooksian balderdash!!! Somebody remind him the "politics" happens to be part of public service... and the only team politicians need to be playing for is the public good. Goodness gracious me!!! Now thats an idea!!!! Oh, David Brooks!!!

Now it is interesting that his Times editorial page has a link to Andrew Sullivan. I don't quite know how to react to that.

Anyways, the other piece of news that I am cautiously optimistic about is that the World Bank and IMF have finalized plans to provide debt relief to a bunch of African countries. Why am I cautiously optimistic... because they have been doing this with debts or providing aid to poor developing countries for ages in turn for making fledgling markets that provide cheap labor and resources completely open for corporate exploitation. Lots of examples in Latin America. Lets see what happens. Meanwhile read this.

What do I speak!

Check out this site:

Your Linguistic Profile:

40% General American English

35% Yankee

20% Dixie

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Turning over a new leaf

Enough... all my posts are boring, way too serious, about 10 miles long and completely devoid of humor. Its not surprising, given my profession (or should I say vocation). This blog is getting more and more didactic and entirely ridiculous.

So I shall turn over a new leaf and try to be funny, very short, to the point, indulge in idle banter and not talk about serious matters!

Hmmm!!! Now I don't know what to say.

UU

I have had quite a nice weekend. Starting with a nice evening with my colleagues on Friday. I guzzled down quite a few beers followed by a couple of gin 'n tonics and after a few good arguments with one of my colleagues came back home feeling rather happy!!! Its been a while since I had a hearty argument and I was thrilled :)

Had breakfast at V's on Saturday morning and then spent the rest of the day catching up with some reading that I had been putting away for one reason or another. In the evening I went for a play. It was an original production the theme focusing on different variations of characters out of the wild west. I enjoyed it. At the theater I also met a rather nice girl, N', who has also recently moved here from somewhere in the east coast. It was nice talking with her. I hope to see her again soon. She looked like the kind of person who'd be fun knowing. Lets see.

This morning, I at last got myself to go to the local Unitarian Universalist service. Its been a long time (more than 2 years) since I have been wanting to join the congregation and for one reason or another I kept putting it off. The final push I guess came this summer when I was visiting Oak Park, IL studying Frank Loyd Wright's architecture, and I found myself in an Unitarian Church that he had designed. I liked the atmosphere and that was the final push. In any case, this morning I finally managed to land up at their door.

This calls for a brief explanation about my faiths/beliefs. I am for all intents and purposes an Agnostic who comes from the Hindu tradition. Having gone to a Catholic school (and everybody else in the family having done so too) the Bible was not foreign to us while growing up. At home we were never instructed in any religion per se, the emphasis having always been on humanistic principles of truth and honesty. Ramkrishna and Swami Vivekanada were always there as guiding lights: good practical humans who exemplified the humanistic principals. Vivekananda with his inspiring practical speeches, Ramkrishna with his record of having practiced every religion and Sister Nivedita balanced the equation with her devoted service. All in all you have the foundations for a faith that puts humanity ahead of everything else. It also compounded the understanding that all religions are worthy of respect, and each had something wonderful to offer.

At home we primarily celebrated Durga Pujo, Kali Pujo and Saraswati Pujo (staples of Bengali socio-cultural life) and the other staple for a lot of people, Christmas (Borodin!) and New Years. For Id, it was a custom to eat a good biryani from Shiraz or Amina (oooooh!), and of course how can you ever forget that the best confectionary in the city: Nahoum's in New Market (Inspite of all the new fangled stuff these days, I still swear there is nothing as good as a rum-ball from Nahoum's) is the oldest Jewish business in the country. So all in all, I grew up with a strong belief in goodness and also the understanding that religions were essentially about celebrations... which automatically translated to good food, new clothes and always lots of fun. In Bengal there is a saying, "Bangali'r baro mash-ey tero parbon" - translated: Bengalis have 13 festivals in 12 months. So we grew up enjoying each of these festivals: the pearls that intersperced the colored beads in the necklace of our lives.

After I left Calcutta, I have never been able to find that same joy again. Bengalis the world over get together for Pujo and try their best to recreate that wonderful feeling of joy, that so closely defines the community in Bengal. But the further we get in time the more ritualistic such practices become, disconnected from the context to which they belong, till they lose their meaning. In the last few years, I have often found myself disappointed or even opting out of such occasions because of ridiculous reasons like "I'm tired." The spiritual nourishment is missing.

In the meantime I also came out, and be it enough to say that in the midst of such ritualistic practices, where the focus is on holding on to that which is lost, growth is limited and I don't expect any acceptance either. In fact the strong ritualistic edge scares me at times.

So here I am, almost thirty, a single professional, gay man who is still in touch with his humanistic spiritual background but without any opening to express or practice. The UU kind of fills in the space. Here are the main reasons why I chose the UU:
* They are the only liberal religion in the country with principals that are deeply seated in humanistic and spiritual approaches to equality and social justice. Read their principals.
* They emphasize on the plurality of religion, which is in itself a step ahead of the polytheistic approach and miles ahead of the narrow confines of monotheism.
* Its a congregation that is affirming to the BGLT community.

I liked what I heard and saw this morning. It was very welcoming and I was glad to see a couple of Indian families there. I look forward to getting involved with the community.

After the service, I went shopping and came back with a carved pumkin lamp (that sits on my picture window now, grimacing at passers by), holiday lights that I like to decorate my living room with, a bunch of candles (that I can't light because I forgot to get matches!!) and a wreath of dried maple leaves and berries that I have put up on my front door.

a touch of e.e.c.

Katarina... now Rita. what can we do? is this how every hurricane season is going to be. only the Gods (the secular variety) know!

a few interesting epithets i recently came across

"sooner or later everybody has to meet the great silence alone"

the other was:

"the goal of life is not to make it to the grave gracefuly with the body intact and in great shape, but instead to just about make it and fall in sideways all tattered and worn out" ... of course there is the option of not making it to the grave at all but to instead burn out ...

i am looking forward to watching the movie 'proof.' (ebert's review is interesting, imdb review... rife with stereotypes: "mostly this is a story of a family and the deep ties between a father and his daughter.") anyway, my opinion is bound to be biased, having grown up amidst physicists and mathematicians i can easily think of a proof as "hip" (damn! the only courses i did well in college were in math and physics ... which weren't too many... resulting in college being pretty dismal!) and feel terribly out of place in a world where the general opinion is that math is uncool and the stupid media ("we are stupid and not only do we love it, we also wear it as a badge of honor") is busy dumbing down things out of shape! anyway, i am looking forward to watching this movie. i have heard the clip about the crazy mathematician commenting on how crazy mathematicians never admit that they are crazy in a context where he agrees he is crazy... one too many times now. the media is tagging this age old contradiction as the "genius" in a movie which deals with "genius" and "schizophrenia." yeah its an important contradiction... but still!!

anyway, i'm feeling too bitter to be particularly talkative or figure out why I am feeling so bitter. also, i have run out of beer and as i'm already in my pjs and flipflops, its not worth going out to get a drink. (proves, i'm not an alcoholic yet!) so i'm feeling ridiculously sober! anyway, tomorrow is friday and thats good. plan to go and get a few beers after work with some colleagues. meanwhile i'm drinking orange juice!!

actually something just struck me... i can either be bitter or figure out why i am feeling bitter... i cant possibly feel bitter and also figure out why i am feeling that way at the same time.

watered down, pop application of the uncertainity principal i guess... let me try to say it:

in every living moment there is joy, we can't always find it... the reason why we feel joy so seldom is because we can either look for joy in a moment or actually enjoy it having unknowingly hit the joy button.

hmm. i wonder if it'll also work if we substitute joy for misery... but then we seldom knowingly go looking for misery ... but then if we could substitute with misery or any other emotion, then it maybe that we hit joy, misery, bitterness and what-have-you with roughly the same frequency... normally distributed over a life time. the more active quest for smething (like joy) the more we miss it and lesse active the quest for something (like misery) the more we dread it.

how horrid, one might as well sit back and let life pass by and have as rich an experience... arguably a richer one because the only thing that is self-inflicted is disappointment - directly proportional to how hard you look for a particular emotion.

of course you could argue that even disappointment is but one in the range of all emotions and is also similarly normally distributed over a life time... in which case the relationship between quest and disappointment is wrong... or on the other hand, if the relationship between quest and disappointment holds and it is an exception and not really an emotion, then one could game the system by querying each moment actively for misery and thus noticing joy more often ... not only because they are not looking for joy, but also because the disappointment from not being miserable is really not such a bad feeling ...

i'm getting a headache. good night!

Katarina and global warming!

I have ranted about how global warming has a serious role to play in some of the recent natural disasters (all the way from Katarina to the very severe monsoons in the sub-continent) and if you look at how much more severe and frequent weather events are becoming the world over, and link that witht the predictions of global warming (gw), clearly it would not be fair to meet out the treatment that was given to Trittin, the German environmental minister for his statements. I am very glad that he was brave enough to make his point and that the New Yorker has backed him up.

I don't even see how the statements are insensitive. He did not blame the poor people who are suffering and are indeed the people who are paying for years of bad energy policies and an irresponsible approach to the Kyoto protocol. He is simply blaming an administration that has even acknowledged its incompetence in dealing with Katarina and has an ambiguous and contradictory stance on global warming (all the way fron "don't believe in gw" (no puns here!) to the Kyoto protocol being "unsuitable")... and rightly so.

Environmentalists have been screaming themselves hoarse for a while and have gotten a reputation for being doomsday soothsayers. Now when doomsday strikes and world weather patterns are increasingly going the way the predictions of global warming are, they are made to look "insensitive" if they merely point out that they had warned before. But then all those warnings only showed world maps with Bangladesh drowned... not New Orleans!!!

You might also be interested in reading this article about the ruining of the wetlands in Mississippi. Horrid!

Minority rights

This blog is long over-due. I've been mulling over this for a while. Let me see if I can put forth the thesis with some clarity.

Both in India and the US I have noticed that there is a certain section of the populace which get a red rash when you bring up the issue of minority rights. In the US these sections are aligned with the right wing, but in India where there is only one front, the wrong front, (our wings have been clipped!) it is difficult to use right/left generalizations.

The general argument of these people is that: This is a free country that promises equal rights and opportunites to all its citizens, then why should there be laws to "protect minorities" and give them "special rights"?

These are also, usually the very same people whose understanding of democracies is limited to "whatever the majority decides." So what is it that prevents such a society from fast becoming a tyranny of the majority?

Based on the above assertions, you could easily justify a situation where there is no affirmative action/reservation type programs and there is a majority concensus that a particular minority is "unsuitable" or "unacceptable." History presents us with such instances, institutionalized racism and a rigid caste system are merely some such examples. (Of course, we love to believe that we've got over both, in the US and India respectively).

So does that mean we provide dalits and harijans special rights to representation over everybody or make sure there is protection for every perceivable minority group. Believe me people will take advantage and declare minority status to suit their goals (Haven't we seen that in India with SC/ST candidates and the reservation system? The backward forward classes and the forward backward classes!!). The answer is clearly no.

The answer lies in what most democracies have: a written constitution underlying the rules and values that are the cornerstone of the democracy. Such documents provide broad guidelines that can be interpreted to provide fairness and direction to law making in society.

So pretty much for all minority rights issues the bottom line is: No its not about special rights for them, but to make sure that they are specially protected from the tyranny of the majority, so that they can avail what they are constitutionally promised. The protection is special, because without it, minority voices will get muffled.

This simplifies the matter, because now, irrespective of how you declare yourself as a minority, the point in question is, are you being denied a right that you are promised under the constitution. If you can prove thet there exists instances of "tyrannical majority" povs., that are stopping you from your fundamental rights to X, within the bounds of what is legally acceptable, you will be given the "special protection" against such "tyrannical majority" povs.

This is a job which requires judgement, and good judgement at that, and is left to the judiciary, who are expected to be wise men, who interpret the constitution in all fairness and without bias or prejudice. There can be many arguments on the different kinds of valid interpretations of the constitution, but thats for another day.

There is also the understanding of the representative government. Nowadays, in the US every controversial issue is put on the ballot. Well then, why does the state need a legislature or for that matter the congress and the senate? Just put it on the ballot and in the place of the legislature bring in a ballotature!!! Clearly there are certain issues that are easily settled through the ballot, but not issues involving minority rights.

This undermines the whole concept of having a an unbiased judiciary that will decide issues of conflict. Instead now laws are being made by the whims of all and sundry and most of the time is a sum total of their personal prejudices. In the 2004 election, the ballot against gay marriage was widely abused to literally carry an election on the basis of deep seated Bible belt prejudices. Nothing terribly wrong with their prejudices ... its a free country, but hey, should such prejudices be used to make laws and absolutely ensure a tyranny of the majority.

That is why minorities need to be specially protected by an unprejudiced judiciary, so that they can merely access what they rightly deserve, without falling prey to prejudices of a majority.

This argument applies to all minorities. In India, this applies to religious minorities, women and the historically oppressed. In the US it definitely applies to the black community and women. Neeless to say in both these countires it will apply to victims of human rights violations - child laborers, sexual minorities, victims of the flesh trade and so on.

Of course, somewhere down the line the issues get a lot murky and there is at least one instance where a reservation policy/affirmative action policy can be used to give minorities a legs up given that they are easily indentified communities that have been victims of generations of oppression and are currently so far in the race that it is not possible for them to compete on the same footing with the rest. Indeed in that case, what they have is not a special right, but a "special access" that hey have been historically denied. Then of course the question arises, how much "special access" and at what level... and also for how long. That is definitely for another day.

For the time being I think the conclusion is: yes minorities need special protections given by the judiciary, because otherwise they will fall prey to the whims, fancies and prejudices of a majority, especially when the mode of the representative government is ignored in the name of "democracy".

... otherwise, tomorrow we could easily make the case that given the demands on community X, it is in the interests of greater good, to not allow them to get married and have children, lest they should feel distracted. In these times of "dumb it down please" I wouldn't be surprised if you could get large sections of stupid populations to vote for it and pass it off as a democratic desire!!!

A point!

If you've never read about or know of the companion flag, do take a look at this website and spread the awareness.

What else? Another Saturday gone by. I hate loosing Saturdays. Its the only day in the week I have to myself. Back to work tomorrow! Wait till another week rolls by teaching, writing papers, the usual humdrum... Another Saturday comes and soon dissolves in a flurry of laundry and cooking.

I shall go to sleep now.

Stereotypes!

My stereotype: I hate stereotypes!

Talkative!

Yeah! as the evening wears on I am getting talkative.

I have all the lights on in my living room and am listening to Rashid Khan singing in the Todi raag. There is something about his voice, the depth and texture, that makes it resonate within your being.

Hmm! brings to mind the nights I spent in college with a particular friend, listening to Rashid Khan, drinking whiskey, with the lights dimmed down ... getting lost in ourselves and the glimpse of eternity that we got through the music, without ever leaving the bounds of our hostel room.

Interestingly when I was in B' I gave that particular album away to another very favorite person of mine. She loved it and at that time it felt right that she should have it.

Few years later when I visited India I tried to look up that very album, to preserve the memories that remain entangled with it. Particularly beautiful memories of one particular evening. Unfortunately to no avail... I have never seen that album again, don't remember its name, just what it looked like and ... what it still evokes.

Summary!

I'm exhausted! Tons of work all week... ending off with a flourish of empty paper work. But its over. I came back home and collapsed on my couch and passed out while they kept Considering All Things on radio.

My general impressions of the week:
1. UN meeting earlier this week. Kristof makes the whole bunch look really bad, and I tend to agree with his point. Looks like Bangladesh has lower child mortality rates than India. Hmm! Indians still haven't figured out good software to deal with child mortality. Meanwhile Indians have been writing software to teach math to children in Singapore! Guess, somebody needs to write code to reduce child mortality!!

2. After bungling around for 2 weeks in New Orleans and exemplifying the word 'incompetence', W ate humble pie ... (lets see, may be he'll soon do that about Iraq) and to top it all off declared today a National Day of Prayer!! Thats typically the faith-based approach. Fuck-up and then pray!

3. Theres all the debate over confirming the S. Court C. Justice John R. He doesn't feel like a terrible monster to me. He believes that the constitution is a changing document, believes in precedence and does not believe in the court taking too radical decisions too fast. Looks like he is a wee bit right of center, but also someone who may prove to be more liberal than S. Day O' C.

4. This morning there was talk about FEMA employees talking about how they screamed themselves hoarse as did the press about the oncoming onslaught of Katarina and how it fell on the deaf ears of upper management! Duh!

Enough of ranting!

On the personal front, nothing much is happening. I have been recently panicing about what will happen in case I get into a medical emergency at home. I could be in trouble even if the phone is right next to me, but I'm unconcscious. I know I'm paranoid and this is not the age to worry about dramatic exits, but... oh well! May be I really need to get a big Husky.

Nothing else. The chapy I wrote about in my previous blogs has been sited on 2 occasions since then! These 'sitings' make my adrenalin rush, but beyond that has little impact. Its not like I'm going to go up to him and say.. "Hey! Could I buy you a drink!"

And now I have a headache.

At last!

Katarina... Ophelia brewing... cities drowning... gas prices shooting up!!!

At last there is one voice of reason that is pointing out something important and has been begging for attention for a long time now!!!

Hopefuly this is a wake up call we will heed!

Dilemma!

What is a post-modern, urban, gay, left-leaning, reasonably well educated, man of Indian origin who has got used to cosmopolitan American and Indian cities supposed to do when he suddenly finds himself planted in the middle of the rural American Midwest?

Weekdays are fine... theres always enough work to do. Sometimes work spills over into the weekends. But pray, what about weekends when there isn't much work to do.

I read the New Yorker magazine cover to cover. Its usually a good read.

I cook on Sunday afternoons for the week, sending out complex fragrances of cumin, corriander, chilli and spices to do the rounds in my homogenious mid-western conservative Lutheran neighborhood. Hopefuly they will go out as emisaries carrying epistles of love and joy and such unattainable things as universal brother/sisterhood.

There is always the possibility of seeking out the local Indian community (theres one everywhere!). But most of the ones I've met so far seem extremely conservative and usually carry on in languages I don't speak. So I'm scared of them. I don't know why. I have tried to reason why I am scared of what one might consider "familiar ground."

But the truth is that its not just a fear of Desis... I avoid company all together. I am scared of mixing with people. This is strange since usually I have a good record of being out-going and friendly... and have always been surrounded by trustworthy friends and aquaintances ... the closest of whom and my family has been as supportive as they can be (and really thats a pretty good bit) while I went through my coming-out ups and downs. Then why should I be scared now... I should be making lots of friends.

May be its just the fear of so-called "family values" and my apparent "rejection" of such things in the face of my "life-style choice." Maybe I feel vulnerable to meet new people and let them know me, lest I get hurt by their judgement. Of course, in the process I have squarely judged them to be my worst fears without ever having put a face to the "thems".

When I try to put a face I usually come up with the following scary ones:
1. Huge-SUV driving homophobic "manly" white guys who could easily make mince meat of me before I could say "What the Dickens."
2. Righteous middle-aged women with a brood of children with raised eye brows talking about
"family friendly" shows in town... with an "if you know what I mean" at the end!
3. Indian men who are eagerly waiting for their parents to set up their marriages while they visit the local nude bar and talk about the superiority of "Indian culture" and our "family values" (and "Hindutva - damn the Muslims" if nobody is looking.)
4. Indian women, at the grocery store, who will look at you with suspicion if you so much as smile at them, out of courtesy.
5. Of course, then there are the types (across the board) who'll ask "... and how many chidren did you say you have?" Without so much as a "Are you married?"

Ok! Now that I've got all that out of my system... true these are all rotten streotypes and the real world isn't that bad...

I actually do land up having a hearty conv. every once in a while with strangers at the local brewery. Strangers I never meet again. Thats kind of nice, because frankly, the shorter I know people the less I need to explain, the less irritating the heterosexual assumptions and easier it is to just talk about the weather and such other trivial issues. It gives me the "human interaction" during what can easily become - 2 days of silence.

This morning I promised my Mother that "even though I wouldn't get married and do the usual stuff" she could look forward to a lot in my life... "different but fun" My aggressive optimism comforted her, but left me even more harried. I want to adopt a child... but if you do your research, you'll find its terribly difficult for a single man, with no record of any stable relationships to adopt a child without being assumed for a child molester! So when I see the parents with 5 kids... one part of me envies them and another part of me hates them. They can easily adopt (would rather bring 5 more brats in when there are millions unloved) and dont, and they can easily have zillions of babies (which is ridiculous) and do... and society condones it.

Which brings up marriage... not mine... just that people around me, my peers etc., are getting married left, right and center. I love to see them happy and boy do I get to crack some nice jokes. But hey, at the end of the day it leaves a tinge of alienation... a feeling of hopelessness. Of getting emotionally drained from being allowed to only cheer from the sidelines.

I did my usual morning breakfast at V's and got my espresso drink at ML's. Life is a lot better than I make it out to be. Indeed, this is not as much a rant as it is an observation of my social life (or the lack of it). On the positive side, I do have a supportive family, a bunch of great friends all over the world (my most recent is a French woman living in Japan!), I like my job, live in my own place that I am free to decorate as I please and food on my plate.

In times such as this I feel guilty of wasting resources, living by myself in a 2 bedrooom apartment. I could easily take in at least 2 homeless families from Katarina and support them for a while...

Really sometimes I wonder, what more can a man want? Indeed, what more!?

Labor day

i worked the entire weekend and am feeling exhausted today. theres still cooking to be done. done with the groceries and laundry! Guess I can enjoy not laboring on labor day!

i went to V's yesterday. they know me by first name, i've been there so many times... what you'd call a regular. Yesterday she told me she rememebered the very first time i went to her place when I was considering moving to this town ("you were wearing a navy suit and a silver tie... right?" she asked) One of the perks of being in a small town i guess.

everytime i venture out of my apartment and am not going to work, i am always excited at the prospect of meeting someone interesting. And everytime, i walk back home with a mixture of disapointment and a "well what did you expect, anyway?" feeling

which is true... what do i expect anyway?

I have a free corner in my living room. Am contemplating setting up a humble bar there. Sometime soon, though not right now. With goblets and martini glasses, and a warm glow reflecting off a line of bottles. to keep me warm during the winter. Oh yes, i need bar stools too. very very important to have bar stools.

I think back to my years in S_. man i had quite a social life. Do I miss it? some people. I miss my immediate group of friends... (s,k,k,s,r,p,j) but beyond that... i am actually enjoying it. Well it would be nice to moor myself to one person, just so I don't loose my voice!

I'll be cooking some dinner tonight. will be set a table for 2... just in case someone "interesting" turns up.

Oh Well!

Another Saturday morning. Brunch at V's followed by 3 intense hours at ML's reading the New Yorker. Half an hour afternoon nap and then back to work. Time flies when I work... all of a sudden it was 10pm. Sauntered around town... got dinner and now here I am.

"Nothing much" seems to be the general feeling... apparently. Well theres plent of work to talk about... but then thats work.

Oh well... I'm tired. Guess I'll go to bed, another day gone, another night will pass.

Came lookin' for a Blonde!

Location: A bar at the local brewery. Nothing remarkable at first sight, could be any where in small town America. On further inspection, its a bar full of enlightened people, or at least some that consider themselves to be enlightened and some that surely believe they are on the way there.

Characters:
Tom: An unremarkable young chap with a glint in his eyes and a strange accent
Jerry: A rather remarkable chap: a vibrant ball of life, dark hair, brown eyes, slightly stocky... but only slightly so.

Scene: Tom and Jerry are on neighboring bar stools. They are strangers to each other (at least relatively speaking). There is a half empty pitcher of lager somewhere in between and similarly half empty pint glasses.

Jerry (looks at Tom): Umm haven't I seen you before?

Tom (embarrassed): Er... maybe... Oh yes! yesterday at V's

An awkward silence follows.

Jerry: So you new here... What do you think of the brew here?

Tom: Oh I rather like it... the blonde especially!

Jerry: Well S_ has quite a micro-brewing community...

Tom: Yeah they do.... wait how did you know... ?

Jerry awkwardly fumbles ...

Jerry: ... er ... its just the S_ aura... you know how things are very unique up there.

Tom (not quite convinced): Ah... I see!

An awkward pause

Tom: So what do you do here?

Jerry: Grad student in art history! Very different from what you do ...

Tom (this time amused): So you know what I do as well!!

They both laugh and take a hearty swig!

Tom: So have you travelled?

Jerry: Yes a bit... I'am half -

Tom: -Hungarian?

They both smile

Jerry: And how the Dickens do you know that?

Tom (smiling mischievously): Oh well!! I guess its the aura. Eastern Europeans have it around them...

Jerry continues to look at Tom with an indulgent yet unconvinced smile... as if waiting for a better answer but not really expecting one!

Tom (cornered but enjoying it): ... Oh come on! I know! One of my best friends is of East European descent... Oh well never mind!

Jerry: Wait a minute... how many "Best" friends do you have?

Joyous laughter folllowed by yet another hearty swig.

Bartender: You guys need another pitcher? Or should I straighten up your tabs?

More laughter follows.

The curtain falls on two merry, red faced men laughing about jokes that were never cracked.

I Feel it in my fingers ...

Blimey! I thought I'd successfuly got over such things as romantic comedies and drowned such ideas as romance in buckets of cynicism... but now having unwittingly watched "Four Weddings ... " I realize I'm just where I was.

Oh well! What a nuisance!

True love... my little toe!!

Think about it!

Try this out:
Can you build a consistent belief system where a statement is true only if it is false?

That is, the only rule is:
if (not S) then S

Kinda fun to think about. The system would first have to disprove a statement to then declare it consistent. Clearly you cant have such a system in FOL, but what if we use a higher order... Its fun to twiddle around with.

My Sidey!

Sidey? Thats the immediate neighbor to the left or the right... so you can have at most 2 Sideys. What about other people in the same level? Well you could call them Backeys and Oppys (not to be confused with poppies... which could be an endearment for Pop: previous occupant of your current position). Of course you'd expect people above you and below you to become your Toppys and Undies... well almost... they are your Undies and Bra!!! Its a very expressive nomenclature because you can express any room in your building as a linked reference wrt your point. A more detailed version takes care of buildings with multiple wings... believe me it works.

Who would want to? Well I recently read a book called "Tigers in Paradise," the collected works of Philip Jeyaretnam (a well known Singaporean writer), and in one of his stories the protagonist, a young resident in one of Singapore's many highrises looks out of his flat and contemplates relating all people living in the city by their position and orientation in space (5th floor across the street and so on) and thus creating floor families. I thought it interesting and promptly had an uncontrollable urge to shoot off an emal to the author about how in a certain corner of the world, people do make such families (room pop's Sidey's room grand daughter). Since I was flying from Singapore to LA at the time, and I couldn't sustain the urge over 16 hours, I never did email him. Boy!! That gives out some of my heritage!!!!

But anyway, my sidey on this spot is a Canadian Catholic organization. Thats nice. I grew up Catholic. They also seem to be a nice progressive bunch. Very nice. Howdy do eh?

While on the matter. I was having lunch at V's today and there was this bundle of life sitting at another table with a couple who seemed to be harrasing him about, what sounded like, his boyfriends. He was dark and a bit of a teddy bear and his hair was mildly accented a deep purple. He was lighting up the room with his helpless smiles and exclamations and pretensions of being wronged... :) I couldn't help overhearing the conv. and enjoying it. I was obviously eavesdropping and also abviously enjoying it. On their way out... this 100 Watt bulb actually said Hi to me, and that was when I realized that in future I should concentrate a wee bit more on the food. I blushed profusely and could barely return the greeting! I wonder if I'll run into him again!

Oh well!!!

Hello!

Hello to all on blogspot. I am not new to the blogosphere. But then Snowflake is new... so, may be, I am too... i.e. this I. Maybe to avoid confusion I should be J here. You get it! right? you've seen something of me somewhere before... but then hey, thats true for every stranger you've met. Look closely they look like somebody you know ... before you know it you have neatly categorized them as the X -Type... Yeah! Yeah! we know all that. I'm not making a point here. Just saying that this blog is about an amorphous identity. An experiment in living multiple lives in multi-voicing... in enjoying the pleasure of having inconsistent opinions... In short, I'm not making a point... I've made enough of them in this realm.

So why the Snowflake? Well heres the deal. Sitting in my living room looking out of my picture window at the town square I see a spruce wilting in the late afternoon sun with Christmas decorations still hanging on it. No big ornaments, just silver streamers and what might be holiday lights. You wouldn't notice the decor if you didn't look hard enough. We need some snowflakes... Yeah its late summer, I noticed the first colors of fall last evening. The snowflakes will be here soon.

I love fall. I love the wistfulness in the air. The last glance after the farewell, as the taxi turns the corner, the last look at the airport after they went through security and grudgingly walked away down the concourse... they could stand there and keep looking at me standing a short distance away, thus delaying the inevitable departure... but then what is it worth? A lot, just like Fall has the most vibrant of colors those moments of distance are often the most meaningful and painful... hence some of us shy away from them and take the rational decision: Bravely wave with a smile and turn away just in time to hide the tears...

Flaky, eh? I'd warned ya!