a touch of e.e.c.

Katarina... now Rita. what can we do? is this how every hurricane season is going to be. only the Gods (the secular variety) know!

a few interesting epithets i recently came across

"sooner or later everybody has to meet the great silence alone"

the other was:

"the goal of life is not to make it to the grave gracefuly with the body intact and in great shape, but instead to just about make it and fall in sideways all tattered and worn out" ... of course there is the option of not making it to the grave at all but to instead burn out ...

i am looking forward to watching the movie 'proof.' (ebert's review is interesting, imdb review... rife with stereotypes: "mostly this is a story of a family and the deep ties between a father and his daughter.") anyway, my opinion is bound to be biased, having grown up amidst physicists and mathematicians i can easily think of a proof as "hip" (damn! the only courses i did well in college were in math and physics ... which weren't too many... resulting in college being pretty dismal!) and feel terribly out of place in a world where the general opinion is that math is uncool and the stupid media ("we are stupid and not only do we love it, we also wear it as a badge of honor") is busy dumbing down things out of shape! anyway, i am looking forward to watching this movie. i have heard the clip about the crazy mathematician commenting on how crazy mathematicians never admit that they are crazy in a context where he agrees he is crazy... one too many times now. the media is tagging this age old contradiction as the "genius" in a movie which deals with "genius" and "schizophrenia." yeah its an important contradiction... but still!!

anyway, i'm feeling too bitter to be particularly talkative or figure out why I am feeling so bitter. also, i have run out of beer and as i'm already in my pjs and flipflops, its not worth going out to get a drink. (proves, i'm not an alcoholic yet!) so i'm feeling ridiculously sober! anyway, tomorrow is friday and thats good. plan to go and get a few beers after work with some colleagues. meanwhile i'm drinking orange juice!!

actually something just struck me... i can either be bitter or figure out why i am feeling bitter... i cant possibly feel bitter and also figure out why i am feeling that way at the same time.

watered down, pop application of the uncertainity principal i guess... let me try to say it:

in every living moment there is joy, we can't always find it... the reason why we feel joy so seldom is because we can either look for joy in a moment or actually enjoy it having unknowingly hit the joy button.

hmm. i wonder if it'll also work if we substitute joy for misery... but then we seldom knowingly go looking for misery ... but then if we could substitute with misery or any other emotion, then it maybe that we hit joy, misery, bitterness and what-have-you with roughly the same frequency... normally distributed over a life time. the more active quest for smething (like joy) the more we miss it and lesse active the quest for something (like misery) the more we dread it.

how horrid, one might as well sit back and let life pass by and have as rich an experience... arguably a richer one because the only thing that is self-inflicted is disappointment - directly proportional to how hard you look for a particular emotion.

of course you could argue that even disappointment is but one in the range of all emotions and is also similarly normally distributed over a life time... in which case the relationship between quest and disappointment is wrong... or on the other hand, if the relationship between quest and disappointment holds and it is an exception and not really an emotion, then one could game the system by querying each moment actively for misery and thus noticing joy more often ... not only because they are not looking for joy, but also because the disappointment from not being miserable is really not such a bad feeling ...

i'm getting a headache. good night!