Painful!

It is extremely painful when a student passes away - often when they have been involved in an accident. The loss is terrible, of course, for the parents. While it is unlikely I'll ever be a parent, I think its terrible to have to bury your own children. And for the rest of us, its terrible to helplessly witness the parents' pain and at the same time feel the terrible loss of potential - of promise.

This morning we woke up to the very sad news of one of my partner's student staff members being killed last night in a freak motor accident. He was 19. I had met him on a couple of occasions when he came home to help us with his gardening ideas for our flower beds. We took him out to dinner at Pizza Hut afterwards - and it was such a joy to listen to him talk about his plans, as he flashed his million dollar smile (which seems to be what everybody remembers of him). He was gay, so T' and I, joked about our relationship, warning him of what he had to look forward to. If only ...

I will think of him everytime the flowers bloom.

Patience

This afternoon as I sat in my study, trying to get some writing done, resisting distractions such as: new incoming email (some of which require urgent attention), a new bird at the bird bath in the rose garden, new incoming email, a news update, new incoming email ... It struck me that I am in a phase of my life when I am waiting for all sorts of things to happen. Patiently waiting, quietly working and fervently hoping that it all works out. Waiting for journal papers to get accepted, proposals to be funded, various paper work related issues to get resolved, systems to work, project engineers to communicate - the list is long. The word 'Pending' seems to be written large across almost every aspect of my life.

And yet, I am not unhappy. As I look out at the peaceful scene outside my study window, I realize I have lots to be thankful for - just not enough patience for all the pending issues to be resolved. Meanwhile, it seems like the wait is distracting me from getting work done and enjoying the NOW. Its as if visions of the future are holding the present ransom. Given that I develop simulations for a living, I can't help running 'what-if's in my head all the time, forgetting that somehow I am sacrificing today and shaping tomorrow even as I try to prepare and plan for it.

On the same note, last Sunday, Bert and Ernie (our adorable Dachshunds) chased a squirrel up one of the trees that border a modest rose garden in our front yard. After that, they both sat- taking turns to stay on gaurd - under the tree for an hour and a half patiently waiting for the squirrel to come down. When it finally did come down - they chased it under the deck!! I was amazed at their single minded perseverance and patience! Unfortunately, they didn't get to enjoy the beautiful afternoon (read put their nose in every nook and corner!), and eventually the squirrel eluded them too!

I guess I should just focus on the now - realize that the future simply, is.

The Object of Desire

Patience

"Your Turn!"

Ooops! Did I just lose it?