The Garden of Eden

Its a lazy Sunday evening - the dogs are cuddled up at my feet, T' is lounging around on the other couch - there is a gentle breeze - the sun is shining bright - we are watching Mamma Mia for the one thousandth time - the tunes are always fresh and Meryl Streep is lovely as ever - and I've always had a secret crush on Collin Firth! Life feels good and relaxed and perfect ...

... then there is that voice at the back of my head reminding me of all the work that needs to be done - all the WORK!! Same damn voice that has been hauting me since I can remember - school board exam, school certificate exam, all the tests and exams in College (probably the most irresponsible I've ever been), the never ending drama of grad school, and then proposals, papers, students, deadlines, deadlines, deadlines - seems like I could develop a discrete event simulation of my life based on deadlines and predict the future within a 95% confidence interval! Grrrrr!!!

... and as I watch this movie about people coming of age - maturing - after having spent a youth of irresponsible joyful abandon - I wonder where my share of "irresponsible joyful flings" and craziness went? Instead it seems to me all my life I have been trying to do the damn responsible thing - and I think I have (till this moment, when I am choosing to blog instead of working on my proposal!) been mostly responsible!

... and even now when I have the view to the Garden right in front of me - all I do is wonder and worry about the next proposal, the next paper and so on ... is there an end to this?

Maybe the Garden of Eden is and always was right in front our very damn noses - if only we could stop worrying about tomorrow and lived in the beauty of today ...

... so for tonight, I shall let the voice rest and simply be!!