Fall Family Fling!

... So ... my parents have been visiting us for the last two weeks and life has been GREAT!! :) All my different worlds are converging - and I must say I'm a bit amused and overwhelmed all at the same time. Here are a few highlights:

1. T' and my parents are getting along like a house on fire - they have finally found the obedient son in him they never had in me!!

2. All the parents met the parents - i.e. my parents met T's parents and exchanged gifts - and had lunch. Both the Moms had gifts for each other - and both almost forgot to give it to each other.

3. We all took a trip to Chicago last weekend.

4. I had a proposal deadline this week and almost died under the pressure - T' took care of my parents - making me look progressively worse.

5. Ma has been knitting sweaters for Bert and Ernie!! They love Baba - because suddenly they have realized that walks have become a 3 hourly event rather than a rare weekly outing.

6. Ma and T' agreed vehemently that Indian men are incapable of taking care of themselves :(

7. Today all day has been a big cooking fest and next weekend we are all off to Yellowstone!

... so ... I guess that's whats going on at this end - we had scallops and prawns for lunch and plan to have luchi-mangsho for dinner. As Ma and T' are busy exchanging recipes - I've retired from the kitchen for the time being - you know how we Indian men are, right ;) - might as well enjoy the reputation!

They are back ...

Remember my post about the illusion of stasis - that nostalgia tinged email about how wonderful it is to teach and see 'the kids' move on as we grayed over the years!!!

Well, yesterday while driving across the bridge we were accosted by this:



You guessed it! The students are back - new school year starts next week.

This is orientation week, so the entire town is full of fresh faced 18-year olds with a flock of over engaged parents in tow!!! This means that we have to cross the bridge and go to strange out of the way restaurants to escape from the flood of said parents and freshers.

New school year is upon us. I am teaching two senior classes this semester and advising three graduate students. Then of course there is the usually slew of proposals, papers etc.

Cynicism besides, I must say the excitement in the air is exhilarating and the energy is difficult to ignore :)

Expectation

There was a time back in grad school when having hit a few dead ends and hurt, I took stock of my life. It involved a process of winnowing away all in-essentials from my life laying bare the valuable - and focusing on each of those aspects. Akin to removing the weeds from the flower beds so they don't crowd out the flowering plants. I referred to the process as my quarter life crisis.

It had various outcomes - but most important of all - it taught me to value and nurture what I had and lower my expectations. Rather than crowding the flower bed with more plants, allowing each of the plants to bloom.

Its been 7 years since this process. Once again I find myself at another critical point - and the urge to winnow is coming on again. Though this time around I think the theme is: Expect Less, Love More.

Till I read recently completed reading Lay That Trumpet in Our Hands.

Its a beautifully written account of a progressive white family's resistance to the KKK's in the early 1950s, in Central Florida. Touching on real historical events, part imagined and mostly biographical, the book is narrated by a 14 year old girl who captures the racial tensions of the times, her father's idealism and a touching portrait of personal loss.

While justice is the point of the story - it is overshadowed by the immediacy of the human stories and the intimacy of the narrative. (There are time when you can smell the orange blossoms). Justice is regarded as an abstract idea, rather than as a reparative act. Initially, the book left me feeling disturbed because the story did not meet out the justice that the underlying ideals promised. Of course, the author remained loyal to the historical context of the time and so I am not complaining. No - I wasn't looking for a HollyBollywood ending. What was bothering me was the brutal reality of the story - that the people who fought the bitter battles could not expect the justice they deserved and dedicated their lives to. But after mulling over it for a while, and with the advantage of a historical perspective, I realized that the struggles outlined in the book were indeed the seeds that laid the ground for MLK and his ilk.

It reminded me of this line I read somewhere (can't remember): The arc of the universe bends towards justice - however long.

The question then is - when is it all right to expect gratification from life? Or should we live in faith - like the people who died with a brave prayer of hope, without ever bearing the fruits of their labor? And isn't that the most difficult act of love?

So I say: Expect Less, Love More, Have Faith.

[Choose your article of faith :) ]

My vacation week ...

This is officially my "Vacation week" - 2nd week in August, 2 weeks before classes start. (Officially called the calm before the storm!)

I am not visiting anywhere (Thank you - I travel enough for business) - the idea of waking up late and flopping around the house doesn't particularly appeal to me either. So this vacation week effectively becomes - leaving work before 5pm (OK! 4:00pm)!! It may sound pathetic, but I find it really relaxing to go to work and leave before 5pm. I do not having to worry about any deadlines, or feel the chill of guilt that invariably settles in when I don't work for longer than a day.

Also - after I leave work at 5pm, I take my dogs for a walk in the woods. This is the favorite part of my vacation. Bert and Ernie look forward to me coming home. They start jumping up and down (believe me its a site to watch!) when they see my car pulling in. I usually sit in the drive way for a few minutes just to get them even more excited from anticipation - and then they hop into the back seat and off we go to the trails. I use this opportunity to catch up on Podcasts of 'This American Life' and 'Selected Shorts' - two of my favorite radio programs. Bert and Ernie run along ahead - Ernie insists on leading the way - poor Bert tries to keep up with him, but half way through the trail, encumbered by his ample belly, he usually falls back!

One of the joys of a Northern summer is that the sun sets very late (its usually dusk as late as 11pm in mid July) - that leaves an ample evening ahead. I cooked last night (chiken chaap, matar paneer and dal fry) - and we grilled the night before. So tonight I decided to sit on the deck and sip my gin & tonic while enjoying the vibrant evening.

Summer evenings are full of unseen activity. The wind rustling through the leaves, a rodent scampering away into the bushes in the far corner of the yard (inviting a growl from Bert and a look of annoyance from Ernie!), the smell of grilled meat and vegetables wafting in from a neighbor's yard, voices, a couple walking down the street wheeling a stroller (or two), the sun playfully bouncing off the surface of my drink and glinting at me through the glass ... I close my eyes and let it all flow around me, enjoying the activity - feeling like a rock in a fast flowing river! And then a bug bites me!! Splat! Summer :)

Ironically, August is the busiest month for T' - so he is back home around 8pm. After dinner we usually settle down in front of the TV - and now as I blog, he is editing some stuff on his laptop, while Bert and Ernie are watching TV. As I look out of the window, I see the dark silhouette of the maple tree in our backyard gently swaying in the pink and blue smear of dusk.

Dusk is my favorite part of summer. She slips into the evening and melts into the short night - you never know the exact moment that marks her arrival or her departure. The short soothing reprieve between the activity of the evening and the Milky-Way splattered silence of night.

Another thing about vacation - blogging without caring about tense, spelling, coherence ...

Nostalgia

Warning: This post is like an idle river - it meanders, digresses and aimlessly wanders reflecting little more than the blue sky above.

The other day Orange was complaining about not finding love. When I read his post I was reminded of my twenties - my grad school days! Yeah, all my friends were getting married left, right and center, climbing the corporate ladder - and there was I, slogging away in my lab - nay, finding refuge in my work because nothing else made sense.

I went through an identity crisis and in order to resolve it (as all good engineers should) I resorted to a systematic deconstruction and reconstruction of my identity. And one thing that came off this process was, that my brand sparkling new-age identity had not only retained, but rediscovered with vigor my Bengali identity - specifically defined by the works of thinkers and poets who laid the foundation of liberal modern thought in Bengal back between 1800-1940. My exciting discovery of that history can be left for another blog post. And my love for the expression of universalism in Tagore's poetry and music was renewed. I rediscovered him as an universalist, rather than as obligatory listening because I was born Bengali!

But anyway, going back to Orange's post it reminded me of one of Tagore's songs (now you see why I had to explain the identity business) that has always been very close to my heart and during those cold nights back in grad school, it often cheered me up. The song is -



I am no good at translating - but long and short of it is that the poet wonders, what is love? is it indeed the pain and longing that defines it? or is it not the freedom and joy it affords us?

I was quite surprised to find this video - its from a movie that dates back to the 60s, based on a story set in the late 19th century (I think!). Growing up this scene was one of my favorite movie scenes.

Soon after watching this You Tube video I quickly went through a whole bunch of my favorites that I had not seen in a long time and had no clue were available on You Tube ... as I reveled in the black and white glory of old Bengali movies - I felt a sense of nostalgia - nostalgia for a time gone by, a time of relative innocence! Do I want us to go back there - no! But it reminds me of a time in my own life back when I was in Calcutta and life was simpler - much simpler. And maybe I associate these tunes with the innocence of my childhood and the memory of a city that has changed her name and her character since.

Then again, may be things haven't changed so much after all. After all the songs are still relevant, if a wee bit different.

Consider the following:



and:



Also as I wallowed in the music and the poetry, I couldn't help noticing the three different attires in the three videos - ranging between the late 19th century to the early twenty first century.

So much has changed and we still hum the same tunes our grandparents took solace in.

... or maybe I'm just plain old-fashioned!

The Garden of Eden

Its a lazy Sunday evening - the dogs are cuddled up at my feet, T' is lounging around on the other couch - there is a gentle breeze - the sun is shining bright - we are watching Mamma Mia for the one thousandth time - the tunes are always fresh and Meryl Streep is lovely as ever - and I've always had a secret crush on Collin Firth! Life feels good and relaxed and perfect ...

... then there is that voice at the back of my head reminding me of all the work that needs to be done - all the WORK!! Same damn voice that has been hauting me since I can remember - school board exam, school certificate exam, all the tests and exams in College (probably the most irresponsible I've ever been), the never ending drama of grad school, and then proposals, papers, students, deadlines, deadlines, deadlines - seems like I could develop a discrete event simulation of my life based on deadlines and predict the future within a 95% confidence interval! Grrrrr!!!

... and as I watch this movie about people coming of age - maturing - after having spent a youth of irresponsible joyful abandon - I wonder where my share of "irresponsible joyful flings" and craziness went? Instead it seems to me all my life I have been trying to do the damn responsible thing - and I think I have (till this moment, when I am choosing to blog instead of working on my proposal!) been mostly responsible!

... and even now when I have the view to the Garden right in front of me - all I do is wonder and worry about the next proposal, the next paper and so on ... is there an end to this?

Maybe the Garden of Eden is and always was right in front our very damn noses - if only we could stop worrying about tomorrow and lived in the beauty of today ...

... so for tonight, I shall let the voice rest and simply be!!