Core 2 Duo

Well maybe getting 2 core 2 duo machines (one for my lab to run Redhat and the other on my MacBook Pro) this early, was not a great idea. Reasons:

* Redhat still has not come up with a stable version for core 2 duo - there is a beta version 5 - but its extremely unstable.

* Apple has a huge manufacturing back log and their delivery dates are getting more and more delayed. My purchase on 10/31 is yet to be shipped from Singapore.

So I have bought 2 new computers in the last three months, neither of which I can use. The Mac is yet to be delivered and the lab machine will have to wait to be used till Redhat version 5 becomes stable (Fedora has a semi-stable version for core duo 2, but my support does not want anything other than Redhat!!)

So if you are planning on buying a machine, hold off for a little bit on the core duo 2s.

Busy!

So it turns out that I can post directly from my email, although it takes
quite a few days for the post to be reflected online ... which I think is
kinda lame.

Anyway, I have been posting seldom for 2 reasons:

1. I have been terribly busy with work and work related travel ... Really,
I am sick of travelling. Sick of starting my day in a a snow storm and
ending it on the Atlantic coast in 75 degree weather.

2. My laptop died 3 weeks ago and I have been waiting for my new laptop to
arrive. Till it arrives I do not have online access at home and I do not
have time to blog at work.

A word for my old laptop: It was an iBook that saw me through grad school
and died of old age. The display failed and then the hard drive crashed -
or at least some sectors I am assuming got corrupted. All my important
data is backed-up, and hopefuly the rest I will be able to retrieve
through fire-wire once my new laptop arrives. It was a good laptop and
its time had come.

This is my new <a href="http://www.apple.com/macbookpro/">laptop</a>. 15"
MacBook Pro, 2.33GHz, Intel Core 2 Duo, 2GB SDRAM with a 120GB Hard Drive.
It should arrive tomorrow.

Every once in a while I make a mental note of things I intend to blog and
once my new laptop arrives I will try to catch up on the list.

Other than that life as usual ... same old humdrum.

Testing

This is a test. I am trying to post from my email!

Snowflakes settling in the middle

Today was National Coming Out Day (NCOD). The usual talk trying to reconcile religion and spirituality and the usual efforts at dialogue between young fundamentalists and young queer folk with rainbow colored hair struggling to be accepted by their respective religions and coming to terms with the world around them. I look at them and pray that soon all of them will settle down happily in the middle and live as neighbors. The young fundamentalists will eventually temper down and be tolerant and the young rebel will eventually get a decent hair cut, find a partner and a niche in society.

This desire for a society that eventually converges into a homogenious yet diverse middle makes me wonder if I am growing old. After all, I've been out there on the fringes and raged about all sorts of things. Maybe I have become too comfortable with my situation (whatever that is!) ... or maybe, I am beginning to believe that we need the extremes of opinion (one side espousing high Biblical morality while the other side espousing open polyamorous situations), before we can - nay, if we have to- achieve the balance in between. So its all good. In the end, gay, straight, white, black, narrow, broad ... and all else in between ... will just settle down somewhere in the middle, as they have done so many times in the past on so many issues. And when one topic has been resolved another will come up... after all, life itself is defined by the conflict of extremes. (Hopefuly, this nuclear weapons issue, will also eventually settle down - as it must - without taking the world through a nuclear carnage!)

A lot of people came out as "straight allies" (I am a crooked ally!) and duely showed their support by signing their names on reams of paper. Hopefuly as time passes we'll have to resort to electronic signatures for fear of chopping down too many trees. For the time being, I don't think it cost us more than a few branches and a couple of twigs.

But to our pleasant surprise the Snow came out with its support... and boy has there been a gale blowing all afternoon. Its been one dramatic "coming out." Well I am sure there are some gay snowflakes and some straight snowflakes and then there are the ones that are simply wet and boring! Snow flakes that float gently and settle indiscriminately on every surface. Snow flakes that are inquisitive and will creep into every nook and corner. Then there are a ton of different snow flake crystal patterns. In addition, there is flaky snow and on a really cold night snow can even turn treacherous ... bottomline is: Snow understands diversity. As I write this post, I can hear the wind howling and the snow blowing around - over a BBC report about Amma hugging 25 million people.

Hmm! Its getting cold and I could very well do with a hug... even if its from Amma.

In between Oz and Wonderland

When I get caught, willingly or reluctantly, at a faculty meeting, I feel like a cross between Dorothy and Alice. Displaced, curious and definitely not in Kansas anymore.

I look around the table and start identifying the Rabbit constantly checking his time-piece and complaining about how he is running late. The lion mopping his brow with the furry end of his tail. Then of course there are a few egos which keep growing till someone cuts them down to size... soon after which they start growing again. Almost everybody sounds like the mad-hatter. The Queen of Hearts decrees something absurd every once in a while. The dept. coordinator trying her best to sincerely note every opinion aired, reminding me of the jury at the trial. Then of course there are the Wizards and the Witches both good and bad from every corner of the dept.

So I follow the yellow brick road and avoid getting caught in poppy fields which may put me to sleep. And I try not to question why roses need to be painted a different color and usually hold my tongue when the verdict makes no sense.

Its only Tuesday, and I've already started writing letters to my left foot!

The Good, Bad and Ugly!

I believe that life is not about seeking happiness, for there is no such thing to be found. Instead it is about accepting that the world is imperfect. That we as individuals are not responsible for change, and in fact should not even try to change anything. In its imperfection there is a balance in the status-quo and all we should do is accept our conditions and play the roles that we are burdened with. Hence, each of us should dutifuly play the roles of son/daughter, wife/husband and mother/father. There can be no reason to stray from this pattern. It may not be perfect for some of us, but it is stable, and when followed honestly with humility and acceptance provides peace and stability. For some of us it calls for unselfish sacrifice, but isn't that what life is about ... giving a little of yourself to make things better for your family.

***

I believe that life is about an individual seeking happiness and that happiness lies in fulfiling dreams. Dreams - the sum total of an individual's deepest desires soaring the skies on the wings of free thought. Each individual is an unipue person with unique dreams and therefore only they themselves can seek their dreams and pursue happiness. It is true that the world is imperfect, but in seeking our dreams and being happy, we take the world a step closer to perfection. Of course, we need to give each other space to soar and respect each other's values, no matter how different they are from our own. As we all soar and explore, we change the world and make it better. The balance in the world is important, but it has to emerge from within our different flight paths - reflect our combined visions as we soar high and look afar. Of course, we will differ and there will be conflict ... but from the painful acceptance of a diverse view different from ours, we will live and let live and make space for each of our dreams, for isn't that what life is about ... understanding each other to make the world a better place.

***

I am in the middle ... I am not sure I believe in much, one way or another. I know what I need to do each morning, so that I can live another day. I am tired at the end of a day of hard work and find joy when I hold my dear children and when I am held. I worry about college tuition and about unexpected illnesses. I worry about the cold winter and hope the heat bills will be low. But all of it is worth it when I see the smile on the faces of my children, after all are they not what life is about ... the continuity of me an mine in them and their's.

***